As Rezberry’s Graves Registrar I
work to help people find a burial site in the cemetery for their
deceased family members. Then their names are entered into what I
call “The Book of the Dead.” No pun intended, it ain’t easy but
someone’s got to do it.
There are some months that go by with
no deaths at all and then there are times like this past month when
quite a few people passed on. I send the family’s my condolences
and my heartfelt sorrow for their loss. Recently a married couple
contacted me and wanted information about reserving a spot where they
can be by each other and his mother. They told me that after all the
deaths recently it came to their attention to have things in order
when that day will inevitably come.
I think it’s a wonderful idea, to
pick out a spot but most people are kind of spooked by that idea. I’m
not; in fact it makes sense to me so I’m gonna write up a “will”
if you will and write my own obituary. That said, here I go.
The announcement will be “Kristine
E. Shotley AKA Ricey Wild is Dead.” That’s it! Well that’s my
first idea but if I must go into further detail I will. Ahem!!!
No picture board will have an
unattractive photograph of me or I will come back to haunt
whomsoever dared ignore my last wishes.
The cremains of my cat Horus
will be added to my ashes as will my living pets that pass away
I want to become a tree; a birch
bark tree in fact. I am fascinated by different world culture’s
funeral and burial practices. I came across an article that a
company is offering a tree kit that is buried with your cremains
and you literally become a tree! So I can give back to the earth a
little bit of what Creator gave to me.
I will leave some money to
purchase red wine for people to toast me with and … oh heck I
don’t care if it’s red! Just so it’s not Boone’s Farm. Ick
Ick Ick!!! I will just be dead, not tacky and desperate!
All the vague references to
certain individuals in my columns will be revealed so yooz know
who I was actually writing about. I don’t care if someone gets
mad or hurt by it; what are they gonna do? Kill me?!
My obit must contain these
things: when I was born as first grandchild to my Shotley
grandparents I was born an Indian Princess. LOL!!! Because that’s
how they treated me. <3 <3 <3 !!! I have tremendous love
for my family
The obit should read that as a
pupil I was quite mediocre except for reading and writing. I add
here that even as a little little kid I wanted to become a writer;
later I discovered some of my favorite writers and authors were
bat-poop crazy! I was literally horrified and wondered if I had to
experience same or similar periodic breakdowns if I was to be the
writer I imagined I’d be. Well, it turns out I had no choice in
the matter because I do in fact suffer severe depression. It was a
monumental effort on my part to crawl out of that deep dark hole
but I did it with help from my doctor, therapist and brain-wave
technology. My message here is to de-stigmatize depression; it is
an illness not weakness. Depression is every bit as legitimate as
cancer, diabetes and other chronic illnesses. Did it help my
writing? Yanno what? Yes it did because I wrote about it to tell
people about my absence from life.
I will leave letters for my
loved ones about our times together telling them how much I love
them and appreciate them. I will include a signed disclosure that
says they can tell stories on me freely and without self-editing.
Go for it ya’ll! I know yooz will be fighting who goes first
talking about my eccentricities and failings and victories.
Anyone who wants my stuff go
ahead and take it. I won’t need it where I’m going cuz all I’m
taking with me are my memories. I’ve been fortunate in that I
have a lot of people who taught me life lessons good and bad and
both are equally important.
Finally, I don’t wanna come
back here so for the rest of my time here in this insane plane of
existence. I’m so tired of being in pain so leaving my physical
self behind will be a blessing.
So no reincarnation for me folks! I am
so done with all this. XD