It Ain't Easy Being Indian: June 2015

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riceywild-web.jpg Last month me and the ‘gals’ had a

funktastic night out at a George Clinton concert at the famous

Cabooze in the Big City. I insisted that for one night we refer to

each other as D-Funk, M-Funk and K-Funk because I’m weird like

that. Yah George, Bootsie and Parliament and Funkadelic were awesome

as usual but oddly looked very young … as we three Funk Sisters

agreed. Or were we just feeling the years in our bones? I know I did

but I managed to wobble in time to the familiar beats and not fall

down. I wore my sunglasses. You got to have your sunglasses … so

you can feel cool.

It was a gorgeous night in the Big

City where we three used to live but we now reside in small rural

towns so it was a huge treat for me to be there. I felt happy just

seeing the skyline and jostling for stage view with people who

weren’t my cousins. Ya’ll Indians know what I mean; it’s why

before snagging up we recite our lineage as we know it before

applying any hickeys. So I was feeling da Funk and partying as hard

as my old carcass could handle. When Bootsie came my way I reached

for his hand and licked the back of it. He just laughed. That man is

still fine!!!! M’wah!!!!

So it was a funktastic night out; no

one needed to get bailed out and M-Funk was still with us and not

aboard the band’s bus. We ended the night at a place the locals

call “The Smelly Deli.” The late night boogitus emissions

sleeping at the hotel proved that to be an apt name and the next day

I insisted going to Popeye’s Chicken so I could bring some home, I

gotta have red beans n rice.

The night before the show I got to

hang out with my lovely friend Rachel sitting on her porch and

watching humanity walk by. Rachel burned sage and sweet grass so the

entire neighborhood was smudged. She and my ex, Dan, live in my old

‘hood’ so it was like going home for me; Rachel and I talked like

we just saw each other and I so love and appreciate having good

friends I share that with. Plus she and Dan spoiled me with the

T.L.C. I needed and my Dear Daniel gave me $40 for drinks for us

gals!!! It was money well spent my love!!! Miigwech!

We Gals had so much fun we decided to

get together this month and go camping. (Whaaaaaaaat?? Camping?

Seriously???!!! MOI!!!????) I’m going because I really love the

Gal’s company but I am NOT a very good camper and I’m the only

Indian in the bunch. I know I am supposed to have been born with

outdoor skills and suchlike but I am woefully inadequate to say the

least. Plus, I have had previous awful camping experiences like when

my maw, her friend, my man and me left Minneapolis at 6 p.m. to LCO

Powwow in Wisconsin and arrived at 4 a.m. in a downpour with a tent

but no poles, no gas or money and flat tires from running over a wire

fence. We had bought bologna and bread for the trip but that was

almost gone. So yooz see how I have outdoor anxiety dontcha??? I do

have more frightful stories but you get my drift. Well any rate this

oughta be an interesting event. I hope I see some UFOs.

In last month’s column I should have

included the alleged reason for my unlawful capture by the Fuzz. Two

women had been in the taxi immediately before me and one dropped her

wallet with credit cards in it. The next morning there were

apparently some charges on them so of course it was me who did it.

Later the Sheriff told me it was the woman’s own charges that had

not yet gone through. Yes and I’m still pissed it happened.

This happened almost 18 years ago but

still haunts my mind. It symbolizes for me how money trumps

everything in this sick culture. There have been some awful natural

disasters recently and people died but the national news stations

focus on the monetary losses and what it will cost to recover. The

dead are referred to as ‘body’s’ and very little screen time is

given to the great human losses to families whose loved one’s died

in the storms.

Americans, this is your great country.

Greedy Monsters have taken over and if we who still care about actual

freedom better get together and dismantle Citizens United. Good name,

evil purpose. Vote Bernie Sanders Yo!!!

Have a wonderful summer full of

powwow-ing (Ay!) and stay snagalicious!!!