It Ain’t Easy Being Indian – November 2019

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By Ricey Wild

I write about what I want to. Many people over the years have given suggestions and not so subtle hints about their own ideas. I listen to them, I think about it and then I say, “Get your own column!” This is my space. Ayyyyy!!! When I did take their advice some people went out of their way to tell me they didn’t like my column that month, so there!

I have a lot of kooky thoughts like, “why is Autumn called Fall?” IKR? I figure it’s because the leaves fall off the deciduous trees. Well, I’m infamous for falling too, so this should be my favorite season, ennit? Naw. Seasonal Depressive Disorder just amps up my chronic depression and I wait and pray for Spring and Summer to return to this chilly clime. A therapist told me I could move to the Equator where there is a balance of sun and temperatures. Bolivia, here I come. You too, Diane E. There does exist a better world with Evo.

Because of a very bad decision, I’m without satellite and soon WiFi. I went to the Risky Raccoon Kasino Resort and spent my paltry sum of money I PAYED INTO for working since I was 13 years old. There is meme going around that pictures a ‘warrior’ going to the casino and then leaving all sad-n-mad. That’s me. I had a bad attitude and got paid for it. If I owe you money see you next month, okay?

But not to worry, I get per cap (not much but it helps) so my Fur-amily has food and so do I. I could send out a scouting party of dogs and cats if need be to get some rabbits. Do I need a license for that? Well, they are tasty as I recall; my Unks must have snared some and my Gramma made stew with the rodents in a slowcooker. Hey, I’m Ojibwe! It’s my ancestral food! Now I can’t even look at a cute bunny without salivating and thinking of what spices I would use.

A shocking event happened here in Rezberry. I first got notice that the entire reservation was on lockdown, some even hiding in closets. I was in disbelief. That kind of violence doesn’t happen here! Ya, there’s all other kinds but not an active shooter. From what information I got, incomplete and some hearsay, the alleged gunman shot a man at his own grandmother’s funeral. I don’t know what prompted that action but to know it was in one’s own community?

I pray for those who there who were mourning a loved one. The reservation did provide grief counseling and for that I deeply thank them. The alleged shooter was taken down by attendees at the funeral and detained until the police showed up, which they did in force, not knowing what they were walking into. I bless them for their service. I do like teasing them in my column but when you need them? “Who you gonna call?” Ghostbusters! LOL JK!

That being written, I’m sort of sure I don’t have any outstanding warrants on me. “I’m innocent occifer.”

Welp, I got locked out of Facebook for telling some idiot like it is. I can’t post or comment for three days and some hours. I’m sure it will hurt for some days until the 3rd of this month but O well! I waste too much time on MSNBC news, The Dead Files, History channel and so on.

I’m a self-professed Nerd and don’t apologize neither. So…I ask myself “Whatever shall I do?” I suppose cleaning the sty I live in is first. Ya, last month I made a heroic effort to clean out my front closet. Everything is still out of it; just not trashed or put away. Maybe soon so I don’t trip on the rubble.

My BFF Lorri gifted me a kitten. He’s Caucasian with a Manx tail. One of his eyes are blue and the other one green, and it seems like they are going to stay that way. She named him Tom Petty because he’s white and I gave him the middle name ‘Eminem’. All my cats are named after my favorite musicians. LOL! Thing is, Tom Tom thinks that Purrince is his mobile chew toy. Purrince ain’t having it nor do the other cats, Tupac and Lenny Katvitz.

It is highly entertaining when The B-U-G-G (my Cali Malti-Mutt) goes to break up fights that Tom Tom initiated. Like, I don’t need relatives to come over and disrespect my space, I have these unique, adorable fuzz-butts. It’s never boring around this Rez house. I am alone but not lonely. The wind in the pines are my music and I get ENP.