First off, I am dedicating this column to all you golden, tawny, beautiful Indian princesses who appreciate a good laugh and a good story. Thank you for writing. I am also tickled that a lot of Indian men are also enthralled by Moosie’s adventures. Several have even quoted from previous columns and like to ask me about him, how he is an irresistible scoundrel and that he is quite the ladies man.
So J-Zac, my friend this is for you and most of all thanks to my son Steve, for reminding me how popular my Moosie stories are. Steve agreed with me that there seems to be a lack, nay; non-existence of Indian Romance novels. And I vote that I be the one to fill that void. Somebody’s gotta do it.
Ahem! Now let us return to the steamy reunion…
Strong arms enfold me from behind, it is Moosie and his skin is as silky and hairless as always. Underneath, his muscles are strong and cut like diamonds. Overcome by his splendor, I fainted right there. I came to consciousness lying upon a pile of soft baby rabbit hide blankets on fresh cedar boughs. Moosie’s strong sensuous lips tracing a pattern around my neck. I arched my back and waited for him to apply his trademark hickey. And waited and waited. I squinted my eyes open a little to see to my amazement; Moosie was taking out his top choppers! Ack!!! He quickly tucked his dentures away in a cheap Indian Health Service container, sneaked a peek at me, and inserted another set of dentures that had the front left tooth missing.
At that I sat up quickly and stared agape at Moosie. Wha-at??? Really? Here I was wearing the brain-tanned hide fringed bikini of spring fawns that Moosie himself had made for me! He was the one who had chewed it soft! How many leather bikinis had this guy made for other women so much that he lost his famous teeth! I was appalled and could only stare at him in puzzlement. Moosie saw this and his electric eyes dimmed a bit and he began to speak slowly, sometimes incomprehensible because his dentures weren’t glued in very good.
What I heard was this: mumble-mumble jealous husband mumble has my mumble wearing my mumble as a necklace. Instantly I got really hot and angry. I asked him what the dee-dee-deet dee-dee dahdeet!!!! happened to the diamond Bear Clan insert I had paid boo-coo money for in his former front right tooth? "Mumble" he replied; his gorgeous raven haired head bowed forlornly and looking very much like a naughty little boy.
At once I grasped the significance of my situation. Moosie was now in my power and unable to be all bossy over me cuz he was caught in the wrong! OMG!!! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-hah! I immediately assumed the air of the injured party and put my head down too so he wouldn’t be able to see my big fat smile in the encroaching darkness.
Then I smoothed my face into a soft, sympathetic expression. I took Moosie in my arms and held him close, so close I could smell the denture glue he used. Not bad. He layed his magnificent Indian coin head upon my little shoulder as a child would and nestled up even closer in my warm embrace. I felt a bit faint again, only this time with the feeling that I held a wild panther in my lap, a huge, fierce cat that could at any time chomp my head right off! My adrenaline surged at this and I pulled Moosie’s head up to mine, grabbed his falsie’s right outa his mouth, tossed ’em, and kissed him deeply, lovingly, hotly, as no woman has ever done before, today anyway.
Moosie’s eyes widened in surprise and quickly got their familiar fiery glitter back. When he tried to lean back I went with him! Our lips were glued together! Any humor I initially felt was quickly doused by Moosie’s deep kissing and rock hard grasp of me. Ho-Lay!!! My nefarious scheme to dominate Moosie fell all to pieces as in a dreamlike Disney movie. I felt little glowing eyes focused upon us and we put on a really good show for the local wildlife inhabitants who were so impressed that they clapped their paws together, beat their wings and sent tweets out to their friends to join them in the spectacle. It became very like a woodland critter flash mob when I think of it now….
At dawn we walked hand in hand to the nearby waterfalls and crystal clear lake where we had first found our love together. On a cliff we dived in, still hand in hand… When we emerged from the water we were in our natural Indian element in the wild.