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It Ain't Easy Being Indian
It ain't easy being indian
Sunday, February 19 2012
 
Written by Ricey Wild,
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When I was a little brown kid the remedy for having skinned one's knee or other abrasions was to summon a neighborhood dog and have them lick the wound. Rather like Republican health care plans. It was said, I don't remember by whom, that dogs have cleaner mouths than humans and I in my ignorance went along with it. It was much later when I realized that dog's can also lick their hind ends and what is so antiseptic about that? Ick. I love my dog, The Mitz, but she knows to limit her puppy kisses to my ears. Every so often she sneaks in a kiss on my face but I worry more for her because of all the cosmetic products I apply there.
It occurs to me that I write like I'm an old, old woman telling stories about my youth like it was last century. Oh wait! It was last century. I don't ever want to be age seven or even 25 again, but what I do miss is my mobility and ease of movement. Oh, the long gone days of skipping, hopping, jumping and practicing for the Olympics by doing backbends and cartwheels! Alas! Alas!
It ain't easy being indian
Sunday, January 08 2012
 
Written by by Ricey Wild,
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Feral adj. 1a. Existing in a wild or untamed state. b. Having returned to an untamed state from domestication. 2. Of or suggestive of a wild animal; savage: a feral grin. (Latin fera: wild animal). The American Heritage College Dictionary, Third Edition.
What I have long feared has come to pass. I'm gonna have to update my FaceBook status as 1b. (See above). It was not so long ago that I would shudder at the very thought of unattractive (a.k.a.) sensible clothing. I curled up in a fetal position in bed, put the blankets over my head and issued feeble, irregular whimpers. What is this awful thing? I have gone feral. First sign: Ah- hem! I am now the proud owner of a 'Carhartt' winter jacket, stout 'kamik' winter boots, an orange vest, two orange hats and snow pants, thermal drawers plus lime green reflector gloves with pigskin palm and fingers. The strange thing is; I'm just happy! How, you ask, did this all come about?
It ain't easy being indian
Thursday, December 15 2011
 
Written by Ricey Wild,
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The Indian dating website "E-Snag.com" sent me an email notification saying they had two new matches for me. Since I gave up on that long ago I just had to open it (actually I forgot all about it, I only signed up so I had a topic for my column). The message was brief; rather curt really, they want me to expand my snag-wish list. Sheez! But I think I know one reason why I haven't received many responses. I put 'honest' down for one of my potential buck's qualities. Hai! Oh well, I don't understand why any man wouldn't want to snag up a woman with four geriatric cats, a spoiled little foofy dog, crushing debt and whom can beat your flat butt in Scrabble anytime, anywhere. I'm such a catch, ennit?
It ain't easy being indian
Friday, November 11 2011
 
Written by Ricey Wild,
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he sleeping Tigress has awakened. I mean me. I found out in a definitive way that there's more to life than having fun, or at least desperately trying to. It took a bonk on my head, literally, to come to this amazing revelation. So I am taking my own sage advice: "I practice moderation…in moderation." Well, we all gotta have some fun, right? And it's not like I'm the only person who made a mistake which was totally out of character. While I was paging through the Bible I came across the quote: 'Judge not, lest ye be judged." Wise words.
Like most people I've been following the Republican race for presidential nominee whether I want to or not, but I don't mind cuz it's providing me with many moments of hilarity. Michelle Bachman has become increasingly screechy and frantic and is now The Queen of De-Nial; even the Tea Party wants her to wrap it up and go home. How embarrassing! Hee hee! Now the Republicans are pitting Herman Cain (he's black, anyone notice that? Interesting, ennit?) who is a former pizza maker against the Democratic incumbent, President Barack Obama who graduated from Harvard Law School. Really?! I snicker.
It ain't easy being indian
Friday, October 07 2011
 
Written by Ricey Wild,
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Me calling Rezberry clinics urgent care: "Help! I need my head examined!"(If only I had an Indian head nickel for how many times people have suggested I do so!)
After a full, fun summer I was ready to settle down into calm autumn and begin burrowing a comfortable rut to occupy. But alas, t'was not to be! I had scheduled my wisdom teeth surgery for September because I thought there would be plenty of time to heal.
Instead I got 'dry socket' where my wisdom teeth used to reside. And if you don't know what that is, you don't know pain. Unholy, excruciating, horrendous pain that mocked the medicine I was taking to abate it.
Then, to add insult to injury, a real injury. I slipped on ice that covered the ramp in the front of my house and hit the back of my head on the cement part, while wearing my new, old lady Minnetonka moccasins from Goodwill. For a week everything above my chins was hurting so much that I could not distinguish one pain from the other. So there went my plan to dismiss all drama in favor of monotony.
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