It Ain't Easy Being Indian


ricey wild.jpgAs Rezberry’s Graves Registrar I

work to help people find a burial site in the cemetery for their

deceased family members. Then their names are entered into what I

call “The Book of the Dead.” No pun intended, it ain’t easy but

someone’s got to do it.

There are some months that go by with

no deaths at all and then there are times like this past month when

quite a few people passed on. I send the family’s my condolences

and my heartfelt sorrow for their loss. Recently a married couple

contacted me and wanted information about reserving a spot where they

can be by each other and his mother. They told me that after all the

deaths recently it came to their attention to have things in order

when that day will inevitably come.

I think it’s a wonderful idea, to

pick out a spot but most people are kind of spooked by that idea. I’m

not; in fact it makes sense to me so I’m gonna write up a “will”

if you will and write my own obituary. That said, here I go.

The announcement will be “Kristine

E. Shotley AKA Ricey Wild is Dead.” That’s it! Well that’s my

first idea but if I must go into further detail I will. Ahem!!!

      1. No picture board will have an

        unattractive photograph of me or I will come back to haunt

        whomsoever dared ignore my last wishes.

      2. The cremains of my cat Horus

        will be added to my ashes as will my living pets that pass away

        until then.

      3. I want to become a tree; a birch

        bark tree in fact. I am fascinated by different world culture’s

        funeral and burial practices. I came across an article that a

        company is offering a tree kit that is buried with your cremains

        and you literally become a tree! So I can give back to the earth a

        little bit of what Creator gave to me.

      4. I will leave some money to

        purchase red wine for people to toast me with and … oh heck I

        don’t care if it’s red! Just so it’s not Boone’s Farm. Ick

        Ick Ick!!! I will just be dead, not tacky and desperate!

      5. All the vague references to

        certain individuals in my columns will be revealed so yooz know

        who I was actually writing about. I don’t care if someone gets

        mad or hurt by it; what are they gonna do? Kill me?!

      6. My obit must contain these

        things: when I was born as first grandchild to my Shotley

        grandparents I was born an Indian Princess. LOL!!! Because that’s

        how they treated me. <3 <3 <3 !!! I have tremendous love

        for my family

      7. The obit should read that as a

        pupil I was quite mediocre except for reading and writing. I add

        here that even as a little little kid I wanted to become a writer;

        later I discovered some of my favorite writers and authors were

        bat-poop crazy! I was literally horrified and wondered if I had to

        experience same or similar periodic breakdowns if I was to be the

        writer I imagined I’d be. Well, it turns out I had no choice in

        the matter because I do in fact suffer severe depression. It was a

        monumental effort on my part to crawl out of that deep dark hole

        but I did it with help from my doctor, therapist and brain-wave

        technology. My message here is to de-stigmatize depression; it is

        an illness not weakness. Depression is every bit as legitimate as

        cancer, diabetes and other chronic illnesses. Did it help my

        writing? Yanno what? Yes it did because I wrote about it to tell

        people about my absence from life.

      8. I will leave letters for my

        loved ones about our times together telling them how much I love

        them and appreciate them. I will include a signed disclosure that

        says they can tell stories on me freely and without self-editing.

        Go for it ya’ll! I know yooz will be fighting who goes first

        talking about my eccentricities and failings and victories.

      9. Anyone who wants my stuff go

        ahead and take it. I won’t need it where I’m going cuz all I’m

        taking with me are my memories. I’ve been fortunate in that I

        have a lot of people who taught me life lessons good and bad and

        both are equally important.

      10. Finally, I don’t wanna come

        back here so for the rest of my time here in this insane plane of

        existence. I’m so tired of being in pain so leaving my physical

        self behind will be a blessing.

So no reincarnation for me folks! I am

so done with all this. XD

K-Shot, OUT!!!