It Aint Easy August


In the off-chance any of you were holding your breath or just wondering what the heck is going on at the Rezberry Elders’ apartments, I have some updates for you. Juicy ones, too! I have renamed it “Helrose Place” after that 90s soapy drama on FOX, Melrose Place, get it? Ay!
Last month I reported that a teeny-tiny wheelchair bound Elderly Lady was being given the boot for rental arrears in the astonishing amount of $2.00. A fund raising effort by other rez-idents of the building did bring in $1.03, but since then Rezberry Housing has added yet another $1.00 in addition to the hardship and humiliation she has already endured.
In a desperate effort to help even more, some Elders and their middle-aged offspring had the audacity to have a BBQ and a laughing good time in the courtyard wherein they were allegedly observed, albeit somewhat out of focus, that they were drinking (gasp!) Beer!
I KNOW!!! There they were, sipping sparingly of the mild barley beverage, but only so they could turn the cans in to raise money for their dear neighbors back rent! Those Elders have had long careers, raising their children and helping with grandchildren. They fought for our country and made great sacrifices in blood and tears so their descendants would not have to suffer the indignities they and their parent’s parents did. Those Elders are not allowed to have a beer or glass of wine, at all – in their own home place.
Well, in order to make that point clear, the Rezberry Riders (a.k.a. The Fuzz) finally got to use the fancy new maneuvers they picked up last year from the State, Federal, County, Immigration and local cops when the Hells Angels motored into town.
The very next time a very subdued party was blurrily spotted in the courtyard by the nark, 911 was called and Rezberry’s finest showed right up. They brought their new unit along, who are trained like a SWAT team (only they‘re called Savage Warriors Against Terrorists) and they wore full camo body armor.
In a stealthy, devious tactic worthy of Rambo they busted in the front and emergency doors simultaneously. Officers were also stationed at each ground level window, lest an Elder try to escape the containment lines. Helicopters with SWAT team members, hanging from rope ladders, landed in the courtyard where the fundraising festivities were being held. And no one was there! It was past eight o’clock and the hard-partying Elders had already turned back their bed covers and were soundly asleep during the iraid.
The Rezberry Rider’s had made all those cunning plans to catch the miscreant Elders in the act of having fun, and all they found was one old woman who was quarreling with her son.
I heard too that there were several handicap accessible paddy wagons to haul the old folks away, a few empty ambulances equipped for personal gurneys, and two regular squad cars for those who could still shuffle. Really!
It must have a slow night in Rezberry and Blueberry. It’s not like there aren’t any criminals around who openly steal and deal pills, or have violent, sociopathic tendencies toward defenseless women and children. Just saying.
Who knew that them seemingly quiet Elders wielded such power as to make the local community quiver with fear? I’m gonna advise them to hide their guns, ammo, and remains of deer that were shined – and that all the unlicensed gambling has to cease for now. The moonshine still will also have to be on the down-low, for appearances sake. The stripper pole in the community room will also have to be dismantled, so no more crazy disco fun there either. Several Elders have expressed regret and stated they no longer have the will to go on.
Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little, but only a smidge, really. All the events are true, though they have been ever-so-slightly altered to protect the guilty.
I have wonderful news! This little burg has been spruced up lately, so the air is clean and sweet again, no more poisonous, toxic fumes are being spread about. And I and me Mumz are laughing our faces off, we feel so good! It’s great to share this with yooz, my readers. May happy blessings come your way also. Sometimes, you just have to wait.
At the time of this writing I am going to the Big, Bad City to see some old friends of mine who have been long neglected by me. Sure, some of them may be totally okay with that, but the others? You know who you are, I miss yooz and I can prove it. I learned from my dog The Mitz that puppy kisses are the best and sweetest of all so….