It Ain’t Easy Being Indian – December 2019

photo of ricey wild

By Ricey Wild

Deja vu. I understood it to be a brain boogit as in feeling something has already happened before or a situation one had foreseen. At no time did I think it would literally occur like it has to me. Last year around this same time I skidded into the women’s bathroom at the Risky Raccoon Kasino, fell, was knocked out. and fractured my upper left arm in two places. No surgery was needed that time. Soon after that, I ended up in the hospital with a UTI (urinary tract infection) for five days.

Well, I recovered! That really sucked, yanno? Then 2019 showed up! My beloved Gramma Rose passed on in February and I still feel lost without her presence in my life; not ever having experienced the lack her loving eyes and heart when I needed her. Afterwards, I had friends who helped me out when I was grieving, and I am still so grateful for them. I bless you for your empathy and compassion when I needed it most.

And then, not that it’s entirely relevant for this story, a younger man fell madly in love with me and I was just not having it, not then. But I’m writing a timeline here. Sad to say it ended badly and for the hurt I caused, I am very sorry.

Later that summer my Cat The RZA got outside (it was all my fault). He must have been hit by a car and suffered internal trauma, and he died. I lost my mind crying so much in guilt and grief. The RZA’s ashes in a box are in my bed where he used to lie in his favorite sleeping spot next to me.

Yes, I have a dead kitty in my bed. He’s now the only one of them who does not wake me with any antics that disturb my slumber.

My BFF invited me to stay out by a lake populated with loons, which was magical, especially during a full moon. The thing is, I fell on the hard, lumpy cabin floor, broke my left foot, and got seven broken ribs on my left side.

The Doctor told me that I was a tough woman so of course I began crying. There went another one of my nine lives. Eventually, I didn’t hurt quite so bad, so I dusted myself off and went on with my life such as it was.

I obsessively follow political news; I pet and care for my Furamily and try to stay out of the casino, all the while still grieving and dealing with chronic pain on the daily.
The glamorous life, ennit? Well, apparently it’s too tame for me. Agh!

My BFF Lorri recently had surgery and is laid up. I went over to help her out. I brought fried chicken and food, and we watched TV game shows and laughed a lot like we do. I said, in a joking manner, “Hey! We gotta take turns getting surgery okay?!” One of us must be healthy to help the other out, ennit? But noooooooo!!!!! Nope! The Fates must have had to muffle their mocking laughter from me.

The very next week while out and about, my damaged left foot turned in and I fell, breaking my not-so-funny left bone off and I had to have surgery. While there in the hospital they said I also had a UTI. I lay there in disbelief, astonishment and self-pity. I’m gonna wake up from this and it’s all just a bad, sick dream, right? Again, nope.

This time my clavicle is damaged and bruised, as is my poor breast. Plus, I can barely walk due to my upper inside left leg being hurt, too. I have serious, unending pain.
Now I believe somebody put a ‘Giibik’ on me; it is an Ojibwe curse. I know for sure I’ve pissed off a lot of people who are entirely capable of doing that. All the accidents I’ve had are not due to me being a clumsy cat, I know this.

It was only when I moved up here to Rezberry that I’ve been subjected to attacks. What puzzles me is that I am no threat to anyone, rather I practice studious avoidance from their negativity, so why all this?

I do know on a deep level they want me broken and powerless. FYI: That is not going to happen. I’m typing this with one hand and will continue writing if I must use my nose.
I read a piece that said life is not linear; it is a spiral, which is why we come back to situations we thought we had overcome – to learn them on a deeper level. So, the message is? I think about that a lot.

I love you all, see you next year!