It Aint Easy Being Indian – December 2022

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By Ricey Wild

Well, I made it through another T-Day without blood being spilt or having the Rez Riders show up and eat up all the leftovers because we never got to cook them. Ya. The electricity went out just as we were prepping the side dishes because my Unk did the bird. Easy-peasy, ennit? Naw.

It wasn’t even noon yet – it was after 1 pm Greenwich Mean Time when the power came back on after two hours of the four of us sitting in the house, not knowing how to act without electricity and joking amongst ourselves that we had no wood to cook at all. We all checked our cell batteries for when to call in the National Guard for under-cooked turkey and sides.

Then we all became snappy and feral because we had not eaten at all, in anticipation of the upcoming feast we had been so much looking forward to. Then?! Let the fight commence! My guests left and I was crying when I made my Famous Green Bean Hotdish. It was only warmish and gooey. After that I spooned out some of the Dutch Apple pie with no whipped topping.

Not being one to hold grudges I wondered what happened? Did everyone here in Rezberry and surrounding areas collectively turn their ovens on all at once or what? A turken Q deep state conspiracy? I suspect the latter. Nay, I joke! But then…everyone was Kung Fu fighting (words), those Cats were fast as lightning!

So, as per the usual, a normal abnormal family feast event. My family is so small we have to take turns being the jerk who ruins it all for everyone.

Sigh! Many, many moons ago (Ayy!) I stopped doing Christmas since it is a capitalist/colonial/foreign holiday and full of lies as to its origin, which is pagan. The European invaders made up holidays to coincide with pagan ceremonies and suppressed any beliefs that were not theirs, so they appropriated them. No, I don’t look down on Indigenous people who do celebrate, I loved X-Mas as a child and made sure my one kid was happy. (Spoiled brat!)

Ignorant as I was at the time, little did I know I was raising a child who believed in Satan Claws and not getting the credit I so richly deserved for being the actual Santa. Hah! However, when he began to write letters to Santa he did include our cat, Isis, who he wished to have ‘a mouse to chase’ and at the very end of that particular letter he added, “For my Mom to be happy”. Aww!!!

So many memories! Some great ones and equally not so much for others. Family, ennit? Well, one does not need family over once a year or so to have some conflict in one’s life. I have my little beasties that I have to referee no so fur flies, but Purrince still has tufts of cat hair stuck in his paws. Who needs human drama when we can get it elsewhere? Sheez!

In other news, I was experiencing hair loss, which no matter who you ask, is devastating. I never did buy into some Indigenous beliefs, especially if they are not of my Nation. I understand and respect that many nations do grow their hair long and the religious, if I can use that word to describe it, is customary. So understand that, long haired, freaky people…JK!!! I used to have quite a long wig, I mean real hair here, so getting used to being mostly bald after my son got out his clippers my head got cold. The good thing is that it does grow out eventually, but slower at my advanced age in years. So I plan to buy some actual wigs, yo!

The kitten, Bootsy Collins, totally owns me. His little black badass was born in a Rez house and he had many siblings to compete for food. Bootsy messes with everyone in the house and some of the other large furry ones now just swat him aside. The little dude would snatch food out of a baby’s mouth. He brings me so much joy and laughter!

Just now, as I write, Purrince knew it and came to annoy me. Yet, I shall persist so as not to frustrate the editor. Now the foofy dogs are barking at a half-grown Doberman Pinscher, who only wants to make friends and smell their butts. This is what passes for entertainment in my world. Did I mention I no longer have DISH? Well, there ya go. This is in real time with no blurred faces and I prefer this. I’m already too tightly wound up.

I am waiting for the Winter Solstice now. M’wah!!!