It ain't easy being indian


The Indian dating website "" sent me an email notification saying they had two new matches for me. Since I gave up on that long ago I just had to open it (actually I forgot all about it, I only signed up so I had a topic for my column). The message was brief; rather curt really, they want me to expand my snag-wish list. Sheez! But I think I know one reason why I haven’t received many responses. I put ‘honest’ down for one of my potential buck’s qualities. Hai! Oh well, I don’t understand why any man wouldn’t want to snag up a woman with four geriatric cats, a spoiled little foofy dog, crushing debt and whom can beat your flat butt in Scrabble anytime, anywhere. I’m such a catch, ennit?

Things have really sucked for me lately. No, I’m not gonna bore or depress yooz with my very long list of woes, I’m sure yooz have your own to deal with. It’s juss that I gotta get this off my chest or I’m gonna shatter into microscopic pieces, but then that may not be a bad idea. The Internal Revenue Service would have a hard time robbing me of over half my net pay then. It so ain’t easy being Indian! Juss when my life takes a turn for the better something/someone knocks me down. But I get up again – thanks Chumbawumba for my life’s theme song, ain’t nothing gonna keep me down….

So now I have to deal with the thieving IRS who shamelessly tax the 99% without remorse so the wealthiest 1% can continue to get tax breaks. Remember the G.W. Bush era’s "trickle down" economy? Grrrrr! I still get hot when I hear that. I don’t want a trickle! I want equal opportunity to get my share of the geyser. However I must be fair, the Republican Congress has ruled that pizza is a vegetable, I like pizza! Now I can consume mass quantities of it because I know that vegetables are good for me. Wine is made from grapes, which is a fruit, so I’m good there too, ennit? According to the GOP anyway…. First Lady Michelle Obama will have to add a pizza patch to the White House vegetable garden next spring.

In order for the IRS to eviscerate me financially I must have a job now right??? Well I do and I am comfortably ensconced in an office of my own and  quite removed from most of the Rezberry Tribal Center action, which suits me just fine. Actually though, it’s a funny story of how I came to be here. When I first moved up to Rezberry there was an Old Misery whose job it was to map and record the Rez cemeteries, because, they said, that person couldn’t get along with anybody else. I absolutely roared with laughter and I repeated that story to anyone who would listen. The sheer, riotous, absurdity of irony has slapped me a good one, because now that’s my job!

Whew! I still laugh. I do want it noted that I am earning de facto $25 bucks A DAY due to the IRS’ levy of my wages. I have to save up just to buy mascara these days and keep my cats’ litter boxes clean. Such a sad little life it seems I live. But I’m not being ungrateful, we really don’t know what other people are going through. In my own personal experience bad times don’t last forever, keep your chins up!

I am finding it hard to believe that it’s already December! I know, hah? The other day on the bus a little Indian kid asked me if I was gonna get any presents? I said "no" that I had not been very good this year and was on Santa’s naughty list. The kid just giggled. I shrugged and went back to my musings….

I guess the saying that time speeds up when you get older is true. When I was a kid I remember being so anxious for Christmas to come and all the Barbie’s and candy and clothes, and equally anxious for no one to discover it was me who led Thunder the white stallion out of his pasture, who then terrorized the neighborhood. But mostly I was good, I was very, very good… but when I was bad I was horrible!

There are a lot of important people in my life and that includes my fans who take the time to write to me. Thank yooz now and all the time. Yooz make my day and your letters are happily appreciated by me. That’s my presents. For the rest of yooz, well…I wish you a happy winter solstice and many more. I love you Gramma, Unk n my son Steve….. You are my presents all year round.