It Ain't Easy Being Indian


Ricey Wild

Just recently I was reading (I do a lot of that) where a Native Nation asked that the public (non-Indians) not refer to their creation stories as ‘myths’. I so agree with that! In my previous job I gave tours, told our Rez creation stories, old and new, and made sure that the un-informed had something new to think about after they left. I repeated the story of the Great Flood, how it must have really happened because not only does that story show up in all our world’s cultures, but there is now geological evidence to support it.

We all know the Noah’s Ark myth. Oh… I mean story. How God told this

old guy with a long white beard to build an ‘ark’, which in pictures

looks a whole lot like a boat. But who am I to question God’s verbal

use of flotation devices? At any rate, I bet you can sing along with me

how he loaded up a bunch of animals two-by-two. Hurrah! Hurrah! (Why

they allowed woodticks to board is beyond me, but then maybe they were

just stuck to the rez dogs who were included).

Well, I wish I could properly describe the expressions of the people whom I shared our Creation story with, their wide eyes, gaping mouths and gasps of surprise! Now, listen, these are good people, they just have no idea that there are other important and ancient religions in the world. Oh, they know about the major organized religions, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, and of course, the one most indoctrinated into our culture, Christianity.

I got no problem with those who embrace a different religion than I choose to practice, let me say that right away. I do have a big issue with those who try to convert by coercion, force, trickery or downright lies. Look in your history books, the front line to the occupation of our Turtle Island were missionaries. In Rezberry’s case, they were Jesuits who preached fire and brimstone(?), and a miserable life in white man’s hell where no Indian had yet trod.

The Christians then gleefully reported back to their respective tiny kingdoms that the New World was peopled by red-demon worshipers, but they could be saved for X amount of money, and could you send it in care of the Pope (or whatever head of state)? Of course, the countries of the invaders had their own problems at home, they were running out of dry wood with which to burn witches, warlocks and the like.

When the invaders encountered our Native Nations and the Aztec and Mayan peoples they saw nothing of the ancient, amazing, sophisticated civilizations we had created. No, they chose to see and report the occasional human sacrifice to the Gods. And this is different from burning people alive and a weekly ‘drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ’? How? Yeah, some of you may be mad right now but if you read this column and know where I’m coming from, you will at least give it some thought and consideration. Please.

Because I am still really angry about Mel Gibson’s movie, “Apocalypto”.

The other day I was in Blockbuster and I asked my son Steve if he had ever seen that movie. “No”, he sez, “but I heard it was really good!” Action, adventure, gore and blood yes, any American male would find it entertaining. The truth of it is that the story and so-called facts are wholly and entirely inaccurate, to put it very nicely. As a matter of fact it is so full of #*^%&(*&*(& and *^%@%4r%% that I got in a major fight with a friend who also thought it was a good movie. And he’s Mexican.

There just ain’t nothing funny about being Indian and allowing the invader’s descendants to lie about our Native origins! The collective world population accepts them as fact, not the fiction it is. We have to step up, put a stop to the horrifyingly grisly stories like Mel Gibson’s sanctimonious ‘Apocalypto’ and tell them ourselves.

Now on a lighter note, well sort of, I went to the Rezberry Cop Shop and turned myself in for a warrant. I didn’t actually mean to but that’s exactly how it happened. I was a criminal and was never informed!

Yes, my friends, I am currently out on bail, and here’s me with no priors (I just learned that word from a friend). I’m going to have to continue this story in next month’s issue, that is if I am…not in the gray bar hotel! It sure ain’t easy being a wanted Indian, let me tell ya! And I plan to plead Innocent yer Honor! Just so you know. And my alleged crime? Tune in next month when….