My
dog Mitzi almost peed herself, she is so happy that her guy won the presidency. She put her vote in for "Bark" Obama and feels really
good about herself and the nation’s choice. Now she is saving up some bones for when the new first family moves into the White House. The Mitz wants to go reverently whuff the First Puppy’s butt. Perhaps when Mitzi is properly vetted and cleared by the Secret Service we will do so. Heck I’m so happy about the election I may just sniff me some presidential puppy butt myself.
Hey! They have ass wipes for dogs now, too! What a wonderful country we live in, and I say that with all sincerity. Otherwise, why are all these foreigners still trying to get in, starting with those anal-retentive back-stabbing pilgrims? Hah? Hah?
To
this day, there are people who still think it’s alright to let kids
dress up in pilgrim and Indian costumes to ‘celebrate’ Thanksgiving.
Sheez. I will be thankful when all that is over, and the historical
truth comes out. Until then, well, it’s still a paid day off and you
get to chow down without censure, casually start a new family feud,
watch football and boogit freely.
This
past month, on a Saturday night, I was mooned repeatedly. I so wish it
happened all the time! THE Chippendale Male Dance Revue came to our new
Porcupine Pond Event Center and showed pridner’ 700 women
what real men look like. We ultra-deprived rural womenz literally
salivated over some hot, sweet firm young bods and buns that are not
spotted, hairy or sagging. The Chippendales!…OMG! They renewed my
faith in the Creator; that they were made purely for our female lusty,
optical, hormonal pleasure. Oh yeah! Mmmmm!
If
you ever get the chance, do by all means, go! GO! Me, I didn’t even get
the opportunity to tuck all the dollars I brought. The Chippendale
dancers barely made it to our table cuz their scanty draw’z were
already stuffed with so much cash that one guy looked like he had a
dollar diaper on. Yes, the women of Rezberry, Blueberry and beyond all
showed up – they shuffled, they wheelchaired (and cartwheeled) and
gimped – all for the rare sight of rare men. I can’t tell anymore of
what happened there for danger of retri. What happens in the Porcupine Pond stays in the pond.
I
am feeling quite jaded. Just two days before the Chippendales show The
RBC (Reservation Business Committee) of Rezberry thought that we
Rezberrians might be in need of a good laugh, and so they hired
Williams and Ree: a.k.a. the Indian and the White guy. You know! The
only comedians who are almost as good as Charley Hill. But to
continue…they did a fantastic job and I will never get tired of them. They is us. We is them. Yanno?
So
much has happened in politics. I am extremely touched by the global
communities enthusiastic and heartfelt reaction to our Prez-Elect
Obama. My throat still gets tight just thinking about it. My mom and I
watched the returns and speech together, one of my favorite parts was
when Obama said, "…and I WILL be your president", to those who did not vote for him. Now, that is a Man.
What
I don’t get is this: why can’t Gays get married? Sheez, I mean really!
They don’t even have to call it ‘marriage’, we can just name it
‘garriage’ and accord them the same rights as all the rest of the folks
who are deluded enough to do it. Who are they hurting? Not me I tell
ya. If two individuals, no matter their gender, want to commit to one
another, isn’t that what a couple in love does? Shoot, I’d marry me but
I have lousy credit. This year has been a tough year for me in a
lifetime of tough ones. Well, all I have is this quote from my nephew
Jerone, "Well…we made it this far". I just wanna thank you all for
taking the time to read this column, I send out a big ole heartfelt hug
to all of you. It’s like my Unk Gene always used to say, "It ain’t easy
being Indian, whether you shake or bake it".
